When God Writes Your Love Story

Check out the first chapter of When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy...

Part One

The Author

of Romance

Giving God the Pen




One

The Babes and

the Big Egos

The day I made my choice

ERIC

All the Kens and Barbies sat around the table.1 Amid glistening smiles and Coppertone tans, the fragrance of Polo with a hint of Skin So Soft (yes, this was the good old nineties!) wafted through the café booth. I nibbled at my burrito as the conversation around me finally arrived at its ultimate destination.

“So, Kevin,” Barbie no. 1 flirted across the table, “Tell us who you’re seeing now.”

Kevin, the son of a state senator, was used to having eyes upon him. Being a Tom Cruise look-alike has a way of boosting the ego. As he crunched a chip between perfect teeth, an “I thought you’d never ask” smirk found its way across his face.

As all of us camp counselors leaned in, eyes bulging with expectancy, Kevin finally revealed the secret in a low monotone: “Her name is…Sandra!”

This only added to the excitement and wonder, because no one had any idea who Sandra was.

“Is she a babe?” crooned the resident Brad Pitt, alias Mike from Wyoming.

Say no more! Swift as the bionic man, Kevin whipped out his wallet. Moments later we all observed a photograph of the “hottest girl on the planet,” as Kevin so proudly referred to her.

“Niiice!” Came the rumble of approval from Brad Pitt and Matt Damon (Wayne from Denver).

“I think she has a huge nose!” grumbled one of the girls under her breath.

I continued to pick at my burrito.

Barbie no. 2, sitting beside Top Gun, was next in the heartthrob inquisition. She displayed a photo of her boyfriend to cheers of “You go, girl!” from the Barbies and disapproving rumbles about his skinny neck from the Kens, Brads, Matts, and Toms.

After a week of having to exhibit saint like behavior to all the little campers and being super spiritual while around the camp leaders, it was time to let our hair down—time to let the real passions of life come out. I mean, in your late teens and early twenties, you can sing only so many spiritual camp songs before you need an infusion of good old-fashioned romance.

One year earlier, talks like this had really lit my fire. I used to love to brag about my love life at camp and exaggerate about my “sexy new girlfriend” in a way that would make all the guys jealous and all the girls insecure. You could say just about anything and get away with it; no one was going home with you to check out your story.

I used to crave these love life chats, but something about Eric Ludy had changed—something big. Something that made me want to slide under the table when all those inquisitive eyes turned my way.

I’ll never forget the moment. There I was, my fork poking at the jalapeño stranded on the corner of my plate and my mind screaming over and over, Please don’t ask me…please don’t ask me.

They asked.

“So, Eric, tell us about your exciting love life!”

All the periwinkle, emerald, and dark brown eyes were twinkling at me with expectation. I gulped.

“Uh,” I mumbled. My palms were sweaty. My tongue was dry and thick, like I had a felt eraser in my mouth. Finally, I found my voice. “Uh, I uh, actually, uh, I am waiting on God.”

But to be honest, it didn’t really come out as clearly as I just wrote it. The last part of my sentence was mumbled under my breath, sounding something like, “Ima waying on Gaw.”

I hoped a brief answer would encourage them to move on to Elle Macpherson (a.k.a. Kayla from Utah) seated next to me, poised and ready with a photo of her hunk. The plan backfired. They became even more interested.

“Uh, I think we missed that, Ludy, ”Tom Cruise sarcastically challenged. “Was that a girl’s name or some kind of Chinese food?”

After the laughs subsided, I began again, this time a little more clearly.

“I know this may sound strange, you guys, but I’ve decided that I won’t give my heart to another girl until God shows me it’s my wife.”

I have often wished I could have been more eloquent, that I could have made my resolve sound a little more appealing to my audience, now staring at me with mouths ajar. But I guess God wanted me to know that I was following a different path, that I was not to seek the approval of the Kens and Barbies of this world but simply to honor and love Him.

It was a lonely moment. Silence filled our corner of the restaurant, and all eyes focused on the jalapeño I was ruthlessly stabbing to death.

“That’s…interesting!” Barbie no. 1 awkwardly noted, her eyes large with disbelief.

Wayne from Denver was not quite as subtle in his disapproval. “Oh, give me a break!” he exploded in disgust. “How in the world do you expect to find someone, Ludy, if you’re not out there looking? ”His words incited a chorus of yeahs and exactlys from around the booth.

After a moment of reflective silence, I took a deep breath and stated, “I believe that if God wants me to be married”—another deep breath—“He will pick her out for me.”

A dark cloud settled over the entire group and rained down bewilderment in the form of pursed lips and rolled eyes. I glanced up from my tortured jalapeño to discover a long bony index finger pointing at me, about twelve inches from my nose. Kevin used that finger like Clint Eastwood used a gun. He didn’t shoot to maim—he shot to kill. His bronzed face had turned red with annoyance, and his lips were quivering with indignation, like a lava pool ready to explode. After three long seconds, he finally erupted.

“I totally disagree with you!” he fumed, his index finger still targeting my right nostril. “God doesn’t want us hanging around nagging Him about something like that!”

A few “amens” from the crowd textured his passionate sermon. He continued. “I believe God wants us to pick,” he preached, “and then He blesses our choice!” He paused and then came to a climactic finish: “It’s sappy Christianity like yours that gives us Christians the image of helpless orphans! It is absolutely ridiculous to think that God would care that much about your love life!”

The finger held fast for another few long seconds, then slowly dropped as if to say, You show any sign of life, and I’ll shoot again!

I was the ultimate bummer to their titillating conversation. If ever you want to drain the juice right out of romance, just bring God into the picture. I had committed the unpardonable camp counselor sin, and all the eyes around the table were letting me know it.

Growing up, I had always gotten along with everybody. I knew how to be liked by the crowd and not offend anyone. I was careful to say the right thing in order to avoid disagreements. Eric Ludy had never been known for his backbone…well, except maybe in championing the Denver Broncos. But when it came to things that really mattered, I was just plain spineless. This was one of the first times in my life I can remember actually standing up for something I believed in (that wasn’t orange and blue).

Ironically, I didn’t even know exactly what I was talking about. Just twelve months before, I, too, would have “totally disagreed” with what I had just said. But over the past year, God had been challenging me to apply my Christianity to every area of my life. Was it ridiculous to think God would be interested enough in my love life to direct me to the girl He wanted me to spend my life with?

I shifted in my seat, stabbed my jalapeño one last time, and spoke. “All I know,” I said, “is that every time I’ve tried to find someone myself, I realize in the long run that I have horrible taste.”

All eyes were wide with amazement as I concluded, “Kevin, if God had ten women line up in front of me and said, ‘Eric, you pick,’ I would fall flat on my face before Him and say, ‘God, You know me better than I know myself…You pick! ’ ”

I’ll bet no one present other than myself remembers that scene. To them it was probably just the ramblings of a lunatic named Ludy. But for me it was a defining moment. It was almost as if God was saying, “How seriously are you going to trust Me, Eric?”

So there it was, in front of the babes and the big egos, that God challenged me to officially trust Him with the pen of my life. I had held onto that pen for twenty years, and now, over a chicken burrito and a mangled jalapeño, I handed it over to the great Author to allow Him to work His wonders.

I’ve never regretted it for a moment.

Intimate Issues

Intimate Issues answers the twenty-one questions about sex most frequently asked by Christian wives, as determined by a nationwide poll of over one thousand women. Written from the perspective of two mature Christian wives and Bible teachers–women who you’ll come to know as teachers and friends–Intimate Issues is biblical and informative: sometimes humorous, other times practical, but always honest. Through its solid teaching warm testimonials, scriptural insights, and experts’ advice, you’ll find resolution for your questions and fears, surprising insights about God’s perspective on sex, and a variety of practical and creative ideas for enhancing your physical relationship with the husband you love.

With warmth and wisdom, authors Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus speak woman to woman: examining the teachings of Scripture, exposing the lies of the world, and offering real hope that every woman’s marriage relationship can become all it was intended to be in God’s design.

For Couples Only

Since their debut, these revolutionary guides have sold well over a million copies, been translated into fifteen languages, and sparked much fascinating water-cooler conversation around the country. Now together in the For Couples Only boxed set, these books provide the perfect resource to help you understand what you never knew about the woman or man in your life.

Each volume is based on input from more than a thousand members of the opposite sex—including an unprecedented nationwide survey and hundreds of personal interviews. This innovative approach yields candid and surprising answers about everything you don’t “get” about your significant other—even what that person deeply wishes you knew. It also produces simple but groundbreaking awareness of how you can best love and support the one who is most important to you. [Part of me wanted to make this paragraph past tense—yielded and produced—because of the first paragraph, but that took away some of the immediacy of what the books offer. I’ll leave that up to you.]

So whether you are newly dating or have been married fifty years, get ready to know each other in a whole new way. The adventure is just beginning!

I Do Again

With their professional success and adorable twin daughters, Jeff and Cheryl Scruggs looked like the perfect couple. But their polished facade concealed a widening chasm between two people unable to connect on an intimate, soul-deep level.

After years of frustration, Cheryl’s desire for emotional fulfillment led to an affair and, finally, divorce. Yet, incredibly, seven years later, Jeff and Cheryl once again stood at the altar, promising to “love, honor, and cherish” one another. A new and vibrant love had risen out of the ashes of this family’s pain.

I Do Again details the fascinating real-life story of a couple whose relationship seemed shattered beyond all hope until a spiritual awakening led them to reconsider their definitions of “happily ever after.” A riveting account of the power of prayer and redemption, this remarkable book offers renewed hope for even the most troubled marriages—and reveals why the rewards of restoration are well worth the wait.

The Healing Choice

Book Giveaway Post!!!

In the wake of betrayed intimacy, you may feel nauseated, angry, humiliated, desperate. Why am I not enough for him? Can our marriage be saved—and do I even want to try? Will this unbearable ache ever go away?

Amid the devastation that follows a spouse’s sexual disloyalty, you need to know that you are not alone. God walks alongside you, offering comfort and a promise to transform the pain of the present into hope for the future. In addition, there is a community of women who know firsthand the agony caused by a husband’s sexual compromises and who offer the compassion, strength, and biblical wisdom you need to make healthy decisions for yourself and your family.

The Healing Choice reveals the hope-filled stories of two such women, authors Brenda Stoeker and Susan Allen, who draw on their own experiences and those of many others to offer step-by-step advice for rediscovering intimacy with God and finding the support you need to move toward genuine spiritual and emotional restoration.

Their down-to-earth insights light the path toward help and healing for every woman who longs to move beyond the pain of broken trust and experience God’s promise of hope.

Brenda Stoeker is a registered nurse, mother of four, and seasoned marriage teacher with life experience in rebuilding a broken marriage. Together she and her husband, Fred, have counseled hundreds of couples struggling with issues related to sexual brokenness.

Susan Allen is a counselor who specializes in helping women create and maintain effective healing groups in churches and communities across the country. With husband Clay, she is the cofounder of Avenue, a ministry centered on healing and restoration from sexual brokenness.

I'm giving away one copy of this book in my book bundle package as part of the Bloggy Giveaway week, and another copy to someone who comments on this post!

The Five Senses of Romantic Love

It is time to play a Wild Card! Every now and then, a book that I have chosen to read is going to pop up as a FIRST Wild Card Tour. Get dealt into the game! (Just click the button!) Wild Card Tours feature an author and his/her book's FIRST chapter!

You never know when I might play a wild card on you!

Today's Wild Card author is:

Sam Laing

and his book:

The Five Senses of Romantic Love

Dpi (February 1, 2007)

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Sam Laing is the author of seven books on the topics of marriage, parenting and spirituality. Known for his spiritual wisdom and insight, Laing has ministered to people for more than thirty-five years both in the US and abroad. His books include Be Still, My Soul, The Guilty Soul's Guide to Grace and Friends and Lovers. He and his wife, Geri, have a passion to help others find the joy and meaning that they have found in their marriage. They live in Georgia where Sam is a teacher and an evangelist.


Product Details

List Price: $13.00
Paperback: 176 pages
Publisher: Dpi (February 1, 2007)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1577822234
ISBN-13: 978-1577822233

AND NOW...THE FIRST CHAPTER:


Chapter One

Holy and Hot


Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—

for your love is more delightful than wine.

Song of Songs1:2


“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth.” Sounds a little like dialogue from a torrid romance novel, doesn’t it? Or, maybe a line from one of those x-rated sexual enhancement manuals flooding the market these days. We read these words and think they came from the kind of book we would read with hesitation and misgivings, and with the fear that we might be found out.

Worse yet, we might even assume that these words are the come-on of a loose woman, the sultry enticement to a passionate, but illicit sexual liaison.

But the words above are not taken from a trashy romance novel or a vulgar sex manual, nor are they the alluring invitation of a woman of the night. No, these words are the opening line of a book in the Bible—in the Old Testament, mind you—and they are spoken by a virtuous wife to her faithful husband, the man she married and loves. And this is only the beginning—it just keeps on heating up! There is much more that this married couple have to say to each other about their sexual desires, feelings and experiences.

The title of this oft misunderstood and neglected book in the Bible is the Song of Songs, or as it is sometimes called, the Song of Solomon.1 Similar to the double appellation “Lord of Lords” given to Jesus—meaning that that he is the greatest of all Lords—so the title “Song of Songs” means that this song is the greatest of songs, or perhaps, the greatest of Solomon’s songs.

Let’s think about that for a minute. Whatever that title may precisely mean, we begin to get the idea that God, in his wisdom and love, has placed in the Bible a book devoted to telling us how exciting, adventurous and fulfilling sexual love in marriage can be—and should be.


God Says Sex Is Good

As we noted earlier, Song of Songs is found in the Old Testament. That’s right, in the Old Testament—the first part of the Bible that some of us erroneously think of as the dusty, negative, rules-laden, joy-robbing volume; that part of the Bible written before Jesus came along and brought the good news. It is right in the middle of this Old Testament that God showed he is a life-affirming Father who plans for his children to have zest and excitement in marriage.

Now let’s be honest: most of us think that when it comes to sex, the Bible has nothing but warnings and condemnation. We have the notion that the Bible only identifies sex as the forbidden fruit, the tool of the devil, and the destroyer of our souls. At best, we may think that the Good Book permits sex for the practical purpose of procreation. The idea that married couples could or should have a passionate, delightful, adventurous, all-five-senses love life together seems, well…a little heretical.

And down through the ages the church has been one of the greatest culprits in perpetuating this notion. In failing to recognize and proclaim the beauty of God-given sexual pleasure in marriage, and in its one-sided preoccupation with the biblical prohibitions against sexual sin, the church has done us a great disservice. Let me say it straight up: this wrong-headed teaching is one of the greatest travesties ever foisted upon the human race by well-meaning, but misguided, churchmen and theologians.2

Even to bring up the subject of sexual enjoyment in marriage raises eyebrows and caution flags. Some think that such a discussion is outside the bounds of God’s word and inappropriate for Christian people to talk about; that to address the topic is immodest, undignified and borderline unholy.

I beg to differ. Furthermore, God, in the Bible, begs to differ. If you want to learn from God about having a great sex life with your spouse (and who doesn’t!), read the Song; understand what is really going on between these married lovers, and imitate their example. In the Song we have an unbeatable combination: the holiest and hottest sex manual ever written!


Warnings to Protect the Gift

Yes, there are plenty of warnings in the Bible about the abuse of sex. But we need to ask ourselves why they are there. These prohibitions are not in the Scriptures because sexual pleasure is innately wrong, dirty or selfish. Quite the opposite. It is because sex is such a wonderful gift that such ominous warnings are issued concerning its abuse. With its great potential for good, there is an accompanying possibility for evil if the gift of sex is used apart from the way God designed it.

Listen to this warning to young men from the book of Proverbs:


For the lips of an adulteress drip honey,

and her speech is smoother than oil;

but in the end she is bitter as gall,

sharp as a double-edged sword.

Her feet go down to death;

her steps lead straight to the grave.

She gives no thought to the way of life;

her paths are crooked, but she knows it not.


Now then, my sons, listen to me;

do not turn aside from what I say.

Keep to a path far from her,

do not go near the door of her house,

lest you give your best strength to others

and your years to one who is cruel,

lest strangers feast on your wealth

and your toil enrich another man’s house.

At the end of your life you will groan,

when your flesh and body are spent.

You will say, ”How I hated discipline!

How my heart spurned correction!

I would not obey my teachers

or listen to my instructors.

I have come to the brink of utter ruin

in the midst of the whole assembly.” (Proverbs 5:3–14)


Pretty scary, isn’t it? We know what not to do. But what is the best defense against the illicit affair? What is the best reason not to give in?

Let’s keep reading…


Drink water from your own cistern,

running water from your own well.

Should your springs overflow in the streets,

your streams of water in the public squares?

Let them be yours alone,

never to be shared with strangers.

May your fountain be blessed,

and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.

A loving doe, a graceful deer—

may her breasts satisfy you always,

may you ever be captivated by her love.

Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress?

Why embrace the bosom of another man's wife? (Proverbs 5:15–20, emphasis mine)


What is a husband’s best defense against illicit sex? What is the compelling motive to stay faithful to his spouse? It is the excitement and allure of lovemaking with his wife. Look at the passage again and see what it is actually saying. The breasts of this man’s wife were to “satisfy” him. The love of his wife—specifically, her sexual love—was to “captivate” him always (v19).”3 This doesn’t sound like boring, dutiful, mechanistic sex does it? It sounds like something thrilling, exciting, adventurous, and as I mentioned earlier—with all holiness and reverence—something hot. And no little part of the reason for the heat is because this intense pleasure is to be utterly enjoyed without shame, with the full approval of our holy God.

Like everything else God made, we can use sex selfishly, outside the bounds of his will. When we do that, we sin. The greater, the more powerful and the better the gift, the greater potential for harm there is in its misuse. That is why Satan, our enemy, has taken sex away from God’s purposes. Like everything else he lies about, he lies about this. He tells people that the best sex takes place outside of marriage. He tells people that the way to sexual fulfillment is one-night stands, or uncommitted relationships, or time-limited experiments with an escape clause. He tells us that married sex is at best routine, and at worst boring, and headed for obsolescence. And it seems there is some truth to his lies. Yes, the worst lie has an element of truth in it—but it is twisted truth, skewed truth, polluted truth.

Some people may have had some thrilling trysts and exciting encounters when they broke God’s rules, but that doesn’t tell the whole story. The fulfillment of our sexual needs and the answer to our sexual frustrations is found only within marriage. The story goes on beyond one night, one week, or even many years. The story has to do with our long-term satisfaction, our permanent value as human beings, and our final standing before God. Any other approach, no matter how thrilling it may seem, just won’t work out in the end. That story ends in emptiness, heartbreak and disappointment…in this life and in the next.


Function Follows Form

God is a Father who loves us more than we can know, and who made us with the capacities we have for love and sexual pleasure. And certainly, God did not make us with a sex drive so he could torture us or test us. He made us this way in order to bless our lives; to give us joy, fulfillment, excitement; and to experience a loving union with our spouse

Think about it this way: in creation, function follows form. That is, the Creator built our bodies in the way he wanted them to function. We are given the drive of hunger and the taste for food to motivate us to eat and survive. We are given the reflex of breathing to supply life-giving oxygen to our bodies. We are given the instinct to socialize with others so that we may love and be loved. And we are given a sexual drive so that we may reproduce, to be sure, but also as a means, in marriage, of satisfying our needs and bonding us to another person. If, as some theologians contend, sexual union between humans was only for the purpose of reproduction, it would seem logical to me that we should conceive children after just about every encounter. But as we know, this is not the case (thankfully!). The physical union of man and woman throughout their married lives serves even greater purposes: the expression of mutual love, the enjoyment of sexual pleasure, and the experiencing of closeness and bonding.

What we need is a radical—really radical—alteration of our view of God and his intentions for us. We need to revise our view of how he made our bodies and of the purposes he had in creating sexual desire within us. We need to come to a true biblical understanding. We can then revise how we look at sexual love and sexual pleasure in marriage. And when we do, the truth, as Jesus said, will set us free.


Total Freedom in Marriage

The Song starts out with the woman—yes, the woman—calling for the man to kiss her, and to kiss her repeatedly. She talks about his kisses being more delightful than wine, and in a later passage she says how his kisses glided over her lips and teeth. She invites him to kiss and explore her entire body. She says these things so clearly that it may astonish you, but they are unmistakably there.

Her husband, her “beloved,” also says that her kisses are like wine, but he adds in rapturous, poetic language that her lips “drop sweetness as the honeycomb” and that “milk and honey are under her tongue.” He says that the fragrance of her breath is like apples and her mouth is like the best wine. She responds to this by saying, “May my wine go straight to my lover, flowing over lips and teeth” (7:9).

Are you with me? Do you think we may be on to something here?

But that is just the start. There is more—much more—described in the pages of the Song. Their lovemaking is more intense, heated and intimate than kissing on the lips. Their entire bodies are involved. If this part shocks you, just hang on. Read the rest of the Song, and my brief exposition of it in this book, and you will see just how bold, exciting, excited and adventurous these married lovers really were. You will begin to see how they experienced and enjoyed their lovemaking with all five God-given senses.


It is the thesis of this book that sexual love in marriage is the hottest, best, and most fulfilling and enjoyable sex on the planet. It is so because it was designed by our Creator to be so, and God just flat-out knows how to do things right.


Married couples need to claim the Song of Songs as their ultimate love manual, their own divinely-inspired romantic handbook. More than that, married couples need to make this book their emancipation proclamation—the claim of liberation from a limited, shy, tentative, simplistic, functional, boring sex life. We need to let this book do what God intended: set us free—free to enjoy sexual love with our spouse and free to experience a lifelong adventure of discovering each other’s bodies, in all of their ever-changing intricacy and delight. God wants married couples to experience as a lifestyle the exciting, thrilling, adventurous and free sexual life that he, through the Holy Spirit, describes for us in this amazing book. If that is not why the Song is there, then why is it in the Bible at all?4


A Word of Caution


Remember that I do not intend to place pressure upon you or your spouse to perform sexually or to make either or both of you feel inadequate and guilty. Nor is my purpose to cause either one of you to compromise your conscience or your scruples. Those who are more adventurous must exercise loving and patient respect for their more modest mate; the more modest spouse should not judge the more adventurous one. Neither of you is “better” sexually than the other. The Song does not focus on performance, but upon love, encouragement and affection. The precise sexual activities and specific sexual results are left shrouded in mystery. And that is the beauty of sex in marriage: God gives each couple their own pleasures and joys, and these are treasured between the two of you as a private, sacred gift from him.

This book is written to educate, enlighten and inspire, and to help us think more biblically. My purpose is to uphold a fresh and freeing ideal, and not to create a standard of performance. Some of you face physical and emotional difficulties due to health, past experiences, etc. We all find that as our bodies change, so our romantic life changes. Also, our love life changes as we grow in confidence and in closeness to our spouse. The beauty of God’s plan is that each couple, in the privacy of our own marriage have the freedom to decide for ourselves about our sexual intimacy, and have a lifetime to work out a growing and satisfying response to the teachings we find here.


God’s Plan Is Not the Problem

It is a sad truth that many married couples are sexually unfulfilled. The joy, pleasure and sheer delight designed for married men and women is, for them, the great unclaimed gift. And what is sadder yet is that, many Christian married couples are sexually unfulfilled as well. Most couples just accept this as normal. They subsist with a sex life that barely has a pulse, when they could be having the time of their lives in bed with each other—and for that matter, out of bed in other unlikely—and exciting— places as well.

What is saddest of all is that some married people have gone outside of their marriage, into pornography or adultery, in a futile attempt to find sexual fulfillment.

The problem is not marriage. The problem is not that God’s plan is flawed. The problem is with us—with our ignorance, our unbelief and our low expectations. Though some married couples are not experiencing exciting or fulfilling sex in their marriage, that does not change what God says or promises—not one little bit. If we are not experiencing the promise, it is because something has gone wrong on our end of the bargain. We need to get educated so we can see what we have been missing and also what we have been promised. And that is what this book is all about!

The good news is that “with God, all things are possible.” We can change. And when we change, our marriage changes. As Geri and I wrote in our earlier book about marriage, Friends and Lovers: “Any two people can change. Any marriage can be fixed. Any marriage can become great.”5

And if you are a parent, one of the greatest gifts you can ever give your children is the example of your own exciting love life. Do you want your children to grow up and follow your footsteps of faith? Do you want to increase the chances of that happening? Have a great sex life. Your kids will see it (not literally!) and realize that the sexuality promoted out there in the world is bogus, and that they, if they do it God’s way, can look forward to one day having a great sex life just like their parents have.


f


The purpose of this book is to help your marriage, especially your love life, become better than it has ever been. We will delve into the Song of Songs and mine it for its treasures—treasures that are meant to be ours and that every married couple is meant to enjoy. We will see how all five senses can be engaged in making love to your spouse.

Get ready for the ride of your life. Get ready to lose your confining inhibitions. Get ready to dismiss the false idea that out there in the world, out there among the glitterati, out there among those who disregard God’s plan—that “out there,” outside the bounds of marriage, is sexual joy and freedom, and that you and your spouse are consigned at best to righteous, but empty, sexual repetition. Throw out those false ideas and claim what is yours—rightfully and righteously yours—as a precious gift from your Father in Heaven. Claim the joyous union of sexual love that your Creator intends for you to have—a union he wants you to enjoy and celebrate all of your married life.

The Song—your song—is waiting to be sung!

Keeping His Pants on Until He Gets Home

BOOK GIVEAWAY POST!!!

FOR WOMEN OF ALL AGES IN MARRIAGES OF ALL STAGES

(Corydon, IN) -- Pastor's wife, Joyce S. Oglesby, felt inspired to write a relationship book out of a heavy heart for couples doomed for divorce without some sort of intervention. Her small town of Corydon, IN is buzzing about the controversial cover and title. Written similarly to the 1970s classic, Total Woman, Keeping His Pants On...Until He Gets Home equips women to affair-proof their marriages. Maintaining a passionate love in marriage has become more urgent than ever before. The demands on today's woman can distract her from fulfilling her husband's sexual needs. Losing focus of this vital responsibility has many women facing the maladies of matrimony. Joyce says, "You're either too tired, too stressed, too fat, too flat-chested, too mad, too sad, too depressed, too dirty, too clean, too selfish, or it's just too much trouble. All this can add up to too little too late!" Her warning is that husbands can soon become distracted, leading to some form of an outside physical or emotional affair, pornography, or other avenues of release. The book talks about the dangers of boredom and staleness, and how passionless relationships leave couples unfulfilled, and makes husbands prime targets for temptation.


In Keeping His Pants On...Until He Gets Home, wives learn why and how to preserve intimacy in their marriages, so they don't have to worry about where their husband's pants land when they come off. They'll be at the feet of their adoring wives, not at the bed of "the other woman."


Book Info:
Keeping His Pants On...Until He Gets Home
Author: Joyce S. Oglesby
Order at http://www.joyceoglesby.com
ACW Press
ISBN 978-1934668-00-9
Retail: $24.95


About the Author

Joyce Oglesby was born in South Georgia, the oldest daughter of a struggling tobacco farmer. She worked the farm alongside six brothers and a sister where her deep-rooted work ethic was born. Her tumultuous childhood proved a valuable teacher to Joyce, defining important standards and insightful wisdom with regard to life and love. She wears many hats: wife of 35 years to minister Webster Oglesby, mother, and court reporter/business owner for 30 years. They're blessed with two daughters and grandchildren. Joyce's passion is directed to women's issues. Her many speaking topics include: "Beyond This Point," "Getting Past the Past," "Choices, Consequences and Contentment," "Knowing the Hands that Touch You," "The Gift of Caregiving," "The Sacrificial Gift," "Women of Excellence," "Balancing the Scales of Mary v. Martha," among others. See: http://www.joyceoglesby.com.

Top 10 Ways to Affair-Proof Your Marriage

1. Lose your inhibitions.
2. Be creative and spontaneous.
3. Be available for quick intimate moments.
4. Don't compare.
5. Praise him.
6. Be available for intimacy especially during times of adversity.
7. Don't stop caring.
8. Look as good as you can!
9. Don't keep score.
10. Keep your mouth shut about your sex life.

Remember When and Why

Before you marry, take time to undertake this small task:

Make a list in rank and order of what you love the most about your future husband. Think back to what you were first attracted to and fast forward to today. After the wedding, place this list in a private place for you to refer to often. The list will be a great reminder of his attributes you love the most. This list will be a great motivator and will serve as a sedative at times as well, to spur you on to placin' a lovin' on your man. These are the reasons you chose him as a lifetime mate. You certainly want the world to know you made a wise choice.

Joyce Oglesby Interview Questions and Answers:

Why did you see the need to write this book?

The institution of marriage and family unit as we traditionally know it is in serious trouble! My husband and I have dealt with the maladies of matrimony throughout our ministry and I have dealt with it in my career as a court reporter, as well. Label the disruption of marriage anything you want--infidelity, finances, compulsive sexual behavior, irreconcilable differences--when you plow through the rubbish, the original source of the problem almost always begins with an intimate power failure in the relationship. What better place to begin targeting this critical situation than with the woman in the home, who, in most cases, is the mover-and-shaker and creator of harmony--the barometer of the home.

Why chose such a provocative cover and title?

Why not? Ninety-five percent of the success of any book is its title and cover. If it's not catchy, people won't give it a second look. I was adamant that this cover and title be used because I'm convinced it will attract a market that would have otherwise passed it up on the bookshelves. My goal is to reach a broader audience--especially the ones that need it most.

How does the book help families affair-proof their marriages?

Within the book are 10 commonsense, back-to-basics principles that remind us of what we, as women, already know, but they're good to revisit from a different perspective. What "Pants" also brings to light is the URGENCY of its message, because NO MARRIAGE is immune to difficulty and/or staleness. This process of revitalizing our marriages is constant. We can ill-afford to let our guard down, today more than ever before. Each of the principles can stand alone. If you incorporate even one in your marriage, it enhances your relationship. But, like building blocks, if you keep adding more principles, at your own pace, then you begin to experience a richness and depth that carries you through the lean times of marriage--and we all have them.

Can you give our listeners some practical tips that are found in the book?

Certainly. The foundational concept is the obvious--commitment. You have to get up EVERY day and affirm your commitment to your husband. Your attitude is crucial, because you think your way into a mindset of love; from the emotional to the physical act, as well. If you think you don't have a sexy bone in your body, chances are you're right. So, change the way you think about yourself. We'll go through some practical applications of grooming yourself for intimacy, such as how you train him, praise him, protect him, perform for him, and others. The end result is something that benefits, empowers and fulfills you as you secure your marriage for a lifetime of love.

What do you think of these so-called "emotional affairs" that are happening today? Are they dangerous to marriages and how do they creep up on people when they least expect them? How can people prevent them?

"Emotional" affairs, such as office friendships, Internet relationships, things of this nature are extremely dangerous to a marriage. It takes our focus off of our spouses. All of a sudden, we find that we're opening our hearts to others and believe they're listening more intently than our spouses. They're saying things we like to hear. Before we know it, our spouses say all the wrong things; the other person says all the right things. We're deceived into thinking "the grass is greener." We become vulnerable to temptation. At a weak moment (and the opportunity will typically arise) the hook is set and we're caught by temptation. Some good ways to prevent this sort of thing from happening is 1) to incorporate one of the principles in the book. For instance, protect your spouse. Don't talk negative about him; if you can't find something good to say, don't go there at all, and 2) always speak of this friend's family and spouse in a positive, affirming way. It's a reminder to both of you that you're married, and you have boundaries.

Some may find it odd for a 55-year-old pastor's wife to be offering sexual intimacy advice. Why do you think you are the expert in this, and why should others listen to what you have to say?

Growing up in a home devoid of love, I wasn't really sure what a "real" marriage should consist of, but I entered marriage with some very definite ideas about what I didn't want. The principles in the book have been born from the process of developing a marriage designed to keep love in place. I didn't set out to be an "expert advisor," on marriage. My husband and I have been in the spotlight over the years because we shared a healthy relationship, and women came to me wanting to know my secrets. The tips in "Pants" have not only worked in my marriage, but they have proven to work for others. Women who truly wanted to work on their relationships with their husbands incorporated one or more of the principles and love the results. So, it's something that I know has worked in my marriage, but it has also worked in the lives of others.

Contrary to popular opinion, pastors are just as at risk for temptations to draw them away from marriage intimacy as any other man. What are some things you and your husband have incorporated into your relationship to guard yourselves from these attacks and ramp up the intimacy level of your marriage?

I believe our strong devotion to each other has been our biggest defense. Also, our public display of our devotion has kept temptation at bay. When you speak about your spouse in positive ways, when you are affectionate with each other, a kiss, a hug, (within reason, of course)--it's a terrific defense. There's that expression of "we're really in love," In restaurants, especially, we're still labeled as "honeymooners" and that's a pretty cool feeling.

Pornography is at an all-time high due to the immediate availability and privacy of Internet porn. How can couples prevent this temptation from happening, and if it is already an addiction, how can a person overcome it?

Wow! What a relevant issue! America ranks 4th in the world in porno revenue, a 13.3 billion dollar industry, and the stats change daily! I can't begin to tell you how infiltrated our homes--our CHRISTIAN homes--are with this horrific addiction. My heart has broken over close friends, ministers, long-time Christian marriages, men in their 20s to men in their 70s and everything in between, who have compromised their families and careers due to their addiction to porn. It's become epidemic!

One recommendation I would make is for women to be AWARE, and not bury their heads in the sand that this is a REAL issue in our homes today. It is too accessible! Watch your husbands; watch your kids. Watch for signs. If they're alarmed when you walk in the room and they're on the computer, insist on seeing what they were looking at. Hit the refresh key! Address the issue. Don't let it get out of hand.

If it is out of hand, FACE THE ISSUE HEAD ON! Don't walk away from the problem; thinking it will go away. These images only get embedded deeper and deeper into their psyche. Talk to someone who's been addicted; it's a fast hook! And once hooked, it's like breaking free from drugs, or even cigarette; you have withdrawals, and you always want it again--the desire rarely subsides. Your addict may need professional help, but don't ignore it. Get help fast, and make sure you connect with a counselor who treats the addiction as something inherently hazardous to your marriage--because it is!

What do you see as the role of the wife in 2008? The husband? This seems to be a balanced viewpoint, but how do you refute these ideas and concepts to those who believe this is old-fashioned? To those who believe it isn't conservative enough?

I'm very much a 21st century woman. I've been a business owner for years, and have a much more rigid, harried and unpredictable schedule than my husband. In fact, he does most of the cooking, and is quite good at it, I might add! The demands are great on both parties in a marriage; two-career families are the norm rather than the exception. Both must accept responsibilities within the home for kids, upkeep of the home, meals, and errands. But when it comes to leadership within the home, the most ideal plan is still for the man to be the spiritual leader, the woman to be submissive. This concept of submission is often misconstrued, and I believe it's because of the suppression that women have faced throughout the ages within every culture. While it's become somewhat relaxed, and often challenged, the concept is still prevalent w/in most cultures.

What men seem to miss in this idea of submission is they are called to "love their wives as Christ loved the church." If you can ever get the husband to understand this simple command--it's not an option--the wife willingly submits, or is happy to relinquish, perhaps more up-to-date terminology, control of the reins. The concept then becomes one of "you are more important than I am," and an attitude of harmony pervades in the home.

Why write the book for wives and not focus on the husband's role in marital intimacy?

I wrote the first book for women because we typically are the sacrificial party in a marriage. While there are exceptions to every rule, generally speaking we're mothers. We lay aside our interests and sacrifice for the families. True, we are seeing generations of women who are more focused on themselves and aren't as eager to give up the "self" within them, but for the most part, once we bear children, we put on a different cloak. We are typically the mover-and-shakers, the motivators, and designers of creativity within the home. We set the pace for harmony, even in difficult marriages. Our children look to us for the "mood" of our home life, as often do our husbands. So, writing the first book for wives then seems completely natural. But husbands, your time is coming, in book two!

A Contest for Romantics:

We are pleased to announce a special contest created for your blog guests. On July 5, 2008 we will have a grand prize drawing for a special gift basket which will include: Keeping His Pants on Until He Gets Home Book, 12 Pillow Talk Love Notes, 2 Glasses, 1 bottle of sparkling apple-cranberry, 1 Beanpod Candles melter, Beach Walk wax soy beads, Bird of Paradise wax soy beads, and 9 tea lights.

With This Ring

By Joanna Weaver

A gift book emphasizing the meaning and importance of the wedding vows! Walk down memory lane as you fill out the reflective journaling questions about your wedding ceremony, or share this book with your favorite newly engaged couple. Good wisdom, sweet poetry and powerful stories about wedding days of yore.